Sadness

When I was a young girl, maybe six, I loved being a girl. I wore dresses every single day, had pink everything and wore Bonnie Bell lip gloss all the time. I always had my hair done, didn’t play in dirt because I didn’t like to be dirty ever and had tea parties at the drop of a hat. I LOVED being a girl.

Puberty hit and while I didn’t enjoy all that detailed, I was pretty glad I didn’t have a penis and all the awkwardness that comes with that. I learned to embrace my curves, still did my hair all the time and graduated to Cover Girl lip gloss.

When I first gave birth, I realized being a woman was incredible. Nine months of being pregnant and then a child is presented to you. While I’m sure being a dad is awesome as well, I think we can all agree that feeling the child from the inside is different and unique.

But sometimes being a woman sucks. Sometimes we get pregnant and for whatever reason, that is taken away from us. We pee on a stick, crap ourselves silly and then start picking out names. We start planning for  the nursery, drinking ginger ale for morning sickness, planning for another college fund and hoping we get a child that likes to watch Food Network as much as we do. There is nothing we can do about this lose because mother nature has taken her course, and just like that, the moment is over. The morning sickness is gone, the nursery doesn’t need to be planned and life continues back on the merry path it was before.

Except sometimes a person realizes they would really like another baby. I never thought I wanted more children, until this month when my nursery was taken away from me. Now I can’t quit dreaming about babies and sleepness nights. Yet I realize being a woman is still wonderful, because we are allowed to change our minds, our dreams. We are allowed to take a different path in life we once dreamed out. We get to experience the beginning of life in our very own body and that is a gift I wouldn’t trade for all the penis envy in the world.

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