If You Are Into Keeping Track, And I Know You Are

I haven’t been around very much. (thank you Melissa Captain Obvious the crowd whispers in the background) Where have I been? Oh working. And working. And today? I added a third job to that. Oh wait, you didn’t know about the second job? Oh wait, you didn’t fully know about the first job? I know, I KNOW, I’ve been busy. Let me catch you up to speed, hold on, this will go fast.



In November, I got stuffy office job that is secure, bla bla bla. Pays well, but I’m drowing in debt. Ok, job number two came shortly after that. I am business manager of a fledging nonprofit organization that is awesome and I will talk more about that later. Oh and third? I just added it today. For you see, I have a few bills that need paid by May. Let’s say $2500. And the money tree that grows outside of my house froze over this year. So, I am working part time at a plant we have here locally. Is it what I want to do for the rest of my life? No. However, I will do whatever I need to for the sake of putting food on the table of my child and this is what needs to be done.



And when I look at his face, it is all worth it.

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Garfield Meets Odie

You are unlike anybody I have ever met in my life. This is both exciting, and scary. I have pushed you further than anybody should ever be pushed, and yet you are still here. I have tested you and yet you still stand. I do not deserve you. I do not know how I got to meet you.



Thank you for overlooking my insecurities, flaws and everything else that should have made you not walk but run away.



I can not promise you a rose garden.



I do want to show you a small sliver of grace you have shown me.



Give me enough time, I might be able to.

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My Parenting Style, Undefined, Untouchable

This idea has been going around in my mind, since the day of Christmas, but life has gotten in the way of thinking of it clearly, till tonight. The idea of what kind of parent I am. Disciplinarian: ruler of all things, or more of the free flowing free love let the child do what ever he wants mom. Because guess what? I could easily go either way. I could say no till my ears pop, or I could let him break everything in my house while reading a trashy novel in the laundry room. Either way, he’s going to school in four years and they can deal with it right? Right? Ok, not so much.

I took Joshua to a friends house for Christmas and had a lovely time. And there was a 3 year old boy who liked to play with Joshua. However, I haven’t had that much experience with other children playing with my child and I found myself in unchartered territory. Because 3 year old boys, play rough. Rougher than my 18 month old. And I’m not the mother who wants my child to be afraid to join in. Yet, I am not training him to be a Gladiator either. Do I hold him the whole time or size him for boxing gloves and send him in?

Lesson number two for Melissa. Not everybody has grey taped their belongings to the ceiling because they don’t have the patience to say “Joshua, touch that and die” 18 million times a day”. I have baby-proofed the house, and not because of some philosophy that I can bring things out later. No, that isn’t it at all. I did that because in September, I was more worried about crying in my bathtub every night as opposed to going around telling Joshua no. Because really? If I had said one more no during that rough patch of insanity, it could have broke the camels back.

I am not saying all this to say I had a bad Christmas. Actually, it was the best holiday in 10 years. Yet, the realization that not only do I have to worry about keeping my child alive anymore, I have the worry of bringing him up into socialization. Have you read my blog? I. Don’t. Do. Socialization. Very. Well. I say stupid stuff at stupid times, spill stuff, say things too loudly, cuss inappropriately, use my fingers to clean my dinners guests face and use diapers as napkins at fast food restaurants. And I am supposed to be teaching Joshua how to socialize?

And discipline. I am also supposed to throw in a dash of discipline in there.

I still do not have the answer to what kind of parent I am. I’ll be under the kitchen table deciding while he has free range of the house. I’ll come out when he turns 18 and see if everything turned out ok.

It took my breath away

when the one person who I know is at odds with God right now, said he would pray for me.

Proud Parenting Moment #93492

When I hang my head out the door of my apartment and yell for all my neighbors and God to hear that I’ll be there in a moment, after my child is done pooping.

I am working on embarrassing him at an early age.

Thank You…..

…to the New Year’s Eve elf who came over and did my piled up dishes, swept the floors and ran a load of laundry. Also for the Bath and Body Works Vanilla Body Soap in the shower waiting for me when I got home? So wonderful, I can’t describe.

…to the makers of the said body soap, when you put a little piece of microscopic tape over the lid and I don’t have my glasses or contacts in, well let’s just say I feel dumb for 5 minutes struggling to get itoff thinking I don’t know how to work a bottle of soap anymore. That is all.

But my dishes being done counteracts the stress from the bottle in the shower incident.

So Cliche, Now With More Cheese

Uhm yeah, New Years. That special time of year when people reflect and decide what changes need to be made. My New Years hit me in September this year and I’ve been swinging every since. What needed to go and what needed to drastically change? Everything and quick.

1. Priority’s. I know every one says this is their main down fall, but this is really mine and for once, in September, I put my foot down. Joshua is and always will be number one. Yes, my sanity is a priority, but taking care of him and I are number 1 and nothing else comes first. Nothing. Being top in my career, being top in my church, being top in life means nothing.

2. Sanity. My sanity takes precedent over everything after that. If I feel my sanity slip like it did earlier this year, everything gets chucked and I start over. See rule number one for clarity.

That’s it. Those are my New Year’s resolution’s. Maybe I’m not out to free Tibet and maybe I’m not out to feed Africa, but I feel by doing my small part with these two small goals, then I will be able to go on and do bigger things. (And maybe then I won’t have the longest run on sentence ever either.)