Why, you ask, am I hiring a new babysitter, after I found the
perfect one? Seems her boyfriend was getting jealous of her spending 12 hours a week away from him. And she’s 15. She won’t remember his name next month and will want a job. Too late, she missed this gravy train.
So, anythng new with you? Tell me about yourself.
The first time I held my newborn on my chest, and smelled her hair, I was a changed woman. No longer living for my Prada shoes, I was now looking for the best diaper to hold blowouts. In a wink of an eye, she was out of diapers and the next baby came along. Whoa, I felt like a Nascar driver on the Autobahn hyped up with caffeine. Time was going by so quickly. Could it be my sleep deprivation? Whatever it was, my girls were growing up quickly.
First day of school. With the oldest girl, I was ambivalent about it. I still had one baby at home who needed me, but she took naps. I started planning naps and enjoying the youngest personality as she was in the spot light all day. And suddenly I realized both girls were growing up and I wouldn’t be needed anymore.
The teenage years hit like a Sunami and I wasn’t prepared at all. Make up, bra’s, boys calling. It was all a reminder of my own youth, and God knows I didn’t want them to act like I did. Some how we both survived, but I could see the distance between us. Where I was once the bane of their existence, I was now just the driver. The unwanted driver without a name but hopefully with money.
On the day of my youngest’s high school graduation, I cried. Alone. Because she was celebrating with her friends, and I was in my room holding an old blanket I had saved from her infancy. My friends had booked a cruise for celebration of living thru the teenage years. I had booked time with shrink to ask what WAS wrong with me.
I finally was cured from my insanity when my oldest told me she was pregnant. Grandchildren. Baby’s drunk on milk and cuddles. I was in heaven. And then I saw my daughter hold her daughter on her shoulder. The realization hit me like a ton of bricks. I had come full circle. The love and devotion I had devoted to my girls was not wasted. It just would never be returned to me. It would be given to their own children. Without my devotion, they wouldn’t have their devotion. All the emotions I felt for my baby’s, the first giggle, the first walk, the first day of school, the last day of school. Now my daughters would know what I held felt all of those years and give that to their children.
I now booked a cruise. I felt like now I could relax knowing that time wasn’t an enemy, it just flowed to quickly to try to hold on to.
Susan is an owner of her own recruiting firm in the Midwest. She is the proud grandmother of 4 Grandchildren that call her Nony for no know reason.
Amazing grace! How sweet the sound
Is there such a thing as a sound for sore ears?
That saved a wretch like me
More than saved my soul, saved my life
I once was lost,
Lost down the wide street of bad choices
but now am found
Please help me to not be lost again
Was blind, but now I see
I see that I know nothing apart from You
Melissa has allowed me to post anomously today. Not because I don’t want you to know who I am. But I want you to think about the words of Amazing Grace and really ponder them. Did you know that the song was written in the 1800’s by a sailor who’s wife was dying before his eyes? Going thru the hardest thing a human should ever have to watch, he turned his eyes toward someone bigger, and found a way to deal with his grief. Think of the words as you go thru your day. And what they really mean to you.
It is always interesting for me to read blogs written by parents of young children. In a sense, I wish that the blogosphere had existed when my kids were babies. On the other hand, it’s probably a good thing that all those parenting websites weren’t around; with all that information at my fingertips, I might have gone mad.
As it was, when my first child was born, I was in a foreign country. I was in a foreign country, and my own mother was dead. She had died on Easter Monday 1993; my daughter was born on Easter Monday 1995. My mother wasn’t there for me to talk to, so I listened to my French mother-in-law’s advice and mostly followed it. By the time my second child was born, I had enough self-confidence to do my own thing and not care much what my “entourage” said. I caught some flak for it, but I didn’t care — much. I said I had “enough” self-confidence. That didn’t mean that I had tons of it. In fact, I had very little.
As such, I wish I’d had a ready-made support group back then. I had a couple of friends who had little kids. They didn’t live in my town, so we didn’t get together very often. We’d talk on the phone, but as you probably know, it’s really hard to talk on the phone when you have kids. As soon as they realize that you are having a conversation, they become obnoxious beasts.
When you have small children, for some reason you feel like every mother is better-dressed, better off, and better-equipped than you are. I don’t know where that fuzzy ridiculous logic comes from, but there it is.
I don’t know if that’s how it is in the blogosphere, because I’m not here for parenting advice or camaraderie. I am not a Mommy Blogger. But I AM a mother. It’s just that my kids are now 8 and 11, and frankly, I’m in a place where I prefer to write about ME (and what I observe and feel) than THEM.
When I read blog entries about children and their behaviors, I might say “Oh, man, I remember that,” or “Thank God my kid wasn’t like that!”
Only occasionally will I leave a comment offering my experience and point of view. I guess I just feel that far removed from it.
But for those mothers who’ve got small children, I’ll say how lucky you are to have this sort of automatic support system. If you still have your own mother, so much the better. You are lucky. And because I’m a mother myself, I’ll add this caveat: just remember that every child is different, and what works for you may not work for someone else, and vice versa. Be a parent with your gut first, THEN listen to advice!
Do you have your party hat on? Noise maker? Very good, I am taking vacation. No no, I’m not going anywhere, I’m just not going to blog for a week. I have enticed some of the people who I like to read to keep the party going and make sure the potato chip bowls are filled. Mingle people, don’t stay in one spot.
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